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Thank God That’s Over

December 31, 2009

I made it through Christmas, somehow. It was, in the end, more odd than dispiriting. I spent most of Christmas Day alone, which sounds worse than it was. There were a few minor snags that don’t even merit ritual bitchery; on the positive side, I got to witness someone else’s insane mother in full effect during a family gathering (always a treat!), and I made my way to my beloved on Boxing Day without incident. The kids are with their father visiting his relatives for the duration. I’ll be with my boyfriend and some combination of family (his) and children (again, his) for several more days. Right this minute I’m holed up in his tiny apartment along with his two kids and his sister and her boyfriend–you can’t swing a cat without hitting someone’s face, or a pile of clothing spilling out of an open suitcase. It’s all very festive, in a nineteenth-century sharing-a-bathroom way. Some people play house–we’re playing Tenement.

I’ve lost my cell phone in all the confusion, which has me feeling completely unmoored. I am loath to call my ex-husband from my boyfriend’s telephone, for expired reasons, so I’m dependent on my thirteen-year-old to answer/return my calls to his cell. So far I’ve gotten through a couple of times–just enough to know they’re busy and happy and fine. I miss them, however. These days I am fated always to be missing someone or other.

My boyfriend gave me, among other things, a tiny carved chicken I immediately called a “Promise Chicken”, since I have displaced all of my longing for domestic stability onto the idea of someday owning chickens together. It’s sitting companionably nearby as I type. I have no idea when, if, how or where my beloved and I will manage to build, as it were, a coop and nesting boxes for our whole flock, but I do know this: for now, spending the end of one year and the beginning of another with him (and his entourage) feels like a benediction.

Happy New Year.

One Comment leave one →
  1. January 2, 2010 10:52 pm

    Ah, a promise chicken. Nothing better. I’m loving your blog. Such an affirmation of my last almost 3 years.

    Hang tough girl.

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