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Comment (possibly corrected?)

March 17, 2010

If you go back to the entry I titled “Part One”, you’ll see that there’s a new comment at the bottom. Oh, never mind, I’ll save you the click:

I’d like to point out that divorce should always be the last resort for everyone. The trauma of the divorce process and the effect it has on both parties and the children most specially breaks the notion of divorce being the easiest solution and even being the only way out. People must always learn to reconsider.

Normally I’d just leave this alone, but it’s been a rough couple of weeks. I’ve been psychologically wrecked anew about the divorce–perhaps because writing that first installment of what was meant, by now, to be more than one chapter, was the mental equivalent of lifting up the rug and sweeping all manner of things back out.

I have no time to write anything pithy and brilliant. I have no time, right now, to write anything at all except this: For crying out loud. The easiest solution? With all due respect, are you high?

(Edited to add–The guy seems to have disappeared (and he was a guy, whose profile picture featured soulfully closed eyes and prominent ipod earbuds.) But a closer look at the link to the divorce site he was apparently affiliated with leads me to suspect that his profile and comment weren’t an indictment of divorce in general or my website in particular, but rather cleverly disguised spam.

Which makes me feel much better. I seem to recall reading an article in National Geographic explaining that spam, like swans, mate for life. So it makes perfect sense that he found all this talk about divorce upsetting and unsettling. Poor naturally monogamous spam!

Or maybe Alexa scared the earbuds right off him, and he scurried away forever. She’s a force to be reckoned with. Thank you, my dear.)

7 Comments leave one →
  1. March 17, 2010 12:21 pm

    Yes, clearly the commenter is. Let me also back you up with my child of (long drawn out) divorce (now 41) take on it. Sometimes NOT getting divorced is what fucks kids up. If it were as easy as “don’t get divorced = perfectly fine kids” then no one with kids would ever get divorced (probably). Sometimes every decision is hard and changes everyone and still you make one and still whatever decision you make is the best because you actually had the guts to make it.

    Sorry you’re busy and being descended upon by miscreants.

  2. Ms V. permalink
    March 17, 2010 12:32 pm


    I know plenty of kids who’s parents stayed together for them. And, boy were they PISSED when the parents divorced when the kids went to college.

    And, by the way, no shit. No one in their right mind has divorce as the *first option*. In fact, most of us, okay, me…I stayed LONG after it was over trying to do everything possible to avoid it.

    And then, just like that…you realize you only go around one time in this life. I’ve been divorced twice, and I can tell you, it’s the best decision I’ve ever made.

    My kids? They’re fine, thank you very much. I haven’t seen either one of them hiding in the closet, or with their pillows over their heads. In FACT, there is no fighting behind closed doors anymore, and in their 12 & 10 year old minds…life is GOOD in our house.

    So whoever the commenter is? Shut the fuck up.

  3. March 17, 2010 1:10 pm

    Well. Feel free to pass on my message to your esteemed commenter:

    Dear Mr. Fodor:

    Do you know what would have been GREAT? If my mother had stayed with my father–you know, the manic depressive alcoholic who refused medication. Gosh, the fun we’d all have had!

    But that’s not the point. In fact, the circumstances of anyone’s divorce are irrelevant to my problem with your comment. My problem is your bizarre assumption that the decision to divorce is usually made lightly. I am not divorced, myself, but I have seen friends divorce, and not ONE came to the decision by throwing up her hands and saying “Well shit! This is just too hard. Divorce it is!” Only a staggering level of stupidity and ignorance could lead a person to describe divorce as “the easy way out.”
    I can’t quite fathom what you might have read on this site that leads you to believe that anyone here views divorce as an “easy solution.” Are you reading this in translation?

    The other thing that irks me is the smug paternalism of your tone. My greatest problem with your lecture of a comment is attitude: it is AWFULLY similar to that displayed toward women who are driven to terminate their pregnancies, that were you men not around to help us understand the gravity of our actions and act as our moral compasses, why, us girls would run around getting abortions and divorces willy nilly! For kicks, as the kids say! It’s insulting. And revoltingly misogynistic.

    I am trying to be generous, because I assume you have a horse in the race, as your comment links back to a site called “divorce for men.” Maybe your wife left, and you feel she did it flippantly and out of laziness. I’m sorry. I’m sorry your marriage ended, truly.

    Now that you are back on the market, though, a piece of advice: the fastest way to a woman’s heart is not, as commonly believed, through her jewelry-gland, or even her G-spot. It is via her neocortex, namely recognizing that she has one in the first place. Nothing makes the heart flutter like a little respect–being considered a whole person, with a brain and conscience and everything.

    One who hopes you will take your own advice, and “learn to reconsider.”

  4. March 17, 2010 1:40 pm

    As a child of dicvorce, I would like to say the divorce process actually improved communication family-wide, and strengthened my relationships with each if my parents. Also, it was enlightening to learn that their relationship was not actually good, so I could stop using it as a model. I wish they’d divorced earlier.

  5. Annie permalink
    March 17, 2010 1:45 pm

    clearly a crack smoker commenting. . . freaks.

    i am divorced. we spent many hours and dollars on counseling, mourned the loss of our marriage and what it meant to our children, our families, ourselves. it took years to come to the horrid decision to break our 13 year marriage in two. it was far from the first resort.

    anyone who has ever even had to deal with the red tape of the court system, and paperwork involved in getting divorced (banks, 401K’s, school records, address changes, etc.) would avoid it on that fact alone, forget the emotional havoc it wrecks.

    did i mention crack smoker?

  6. irretrievablybroken permalink*
    March 17, 2010 3:09 pm

    And now the comment seems to have disappeared. Hmmmm.

  7. MEP permalink
    March 18, 2010 10:29 am

    I get that this is spam, but I know a lot of divorced people, and I don’t know ANYONE who’s ever initiated a divorce, who has regretted doing so. Regretted many of the decisions leading up to the divorce (such as getting married), yes, but not the decision to divorce itself.

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