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Today’s the day

July 1, 2010

My ex-husband’s lease on the dream cottage, my dream cottage, starts today. He celebrated by stacking dozens of boxes on my deck–all the stuff I’d desperately stored at his house when I first put this house on the market two years ago. There are all the kids’ baby clothes I saved for some reason. Photos and photo albums. Assorted crap that will go straight to Goodwill. All of it stinking like a basement, covered in mildew, and entirely unwelcome and depressing.

I’ll sort through it all by tomorrow. I found his wedding ring. What’s the protocol on that?

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26 Comments leave one →
  1. almostclouds permalink
    July 1, 2010 5:38 pm

    oh my god. that sounds perfectly miserable. i hope you have a drink on hand. on two hands.

  2. nothingwitty permalink
    July 1, 2010 5:53 pm

    HA! Hock it and buy shoes? That’s what I did, anyway. And I flushed mine down the toilet.
    I wasn’t bitter or anything 🙂

  3. July 1, 2010 8:32 pm

    Hmm, I have no idea of the protocol. Could you sell the ring and buy something nice for the kids?

  4. July 1, 2010 8:46 pm

    Sell it. Go buy yourself something very nice.

  5. irretrievablybroken permalink*
    July 1, 2010 8:58 pm

    I’m not sure it’s actually WORTH very much, is the problem. Though gold IS very high right now…

    Also, it’s the baby clothes that are really bumming me out for some reason. Can’t bear not to look at them, can’t bear to keep them, can’t bear to give them away.

  6. July 1, 2010 10:15 pm

    Well, that says a lot about his character, or lack of. What a slap in the face. Melt the ring down and have something beautiful crafted for yourself.

  7. julie permalink
    July 1, 2010 10:34 pm

    Gold Tooth!

  8. Heidi permalink
    July 1, 2010 10:56 pm

    I think you should keep the ring…put it some place in a special drawer with other meaningful things from the past. When you need to reflect, go to the drawer, have your moment and then close the drawer and live in the present. Ond day he’ll wonder what he did with the ring and it will make him crazy…sweet revenge.

  9. minoti permalink
    July 2, 2010 12:13 am

    oy! sell the ring, and buy yourself something nice, perhaps a dress … something that will not last forever, just for some time.
    i did not take baby clothes that i had saved unfortunately, and i feel sad about that. maybe one day i will be able to get them??
    good luck with whatever you decide to do.

  10. July 2, 2010 2:30 am

    When I ended an engagement, I gave the ring away to my best friend. It felt too painful to keep and too significant to discard, so I passed it on to someone I loved.

  11. July 2, 2010 5:40 am

    Ooh. Is there anything more emotionally charged than a wedding ring? I don’t know if I could keep it. I’d be afraid it might burn a hole in the drawer I hid it in. I’d hand it back to him, like a hot potato, maybe.

    Perhaps you could keep a few symbolic items of baby clothing? And give away the rest. Old stuff can weigh you down, I know.

  12. Apple permalink
    July 2, 2010 10:05 am

    My ex and I are in the process of selling our wedding and engagement rings. Sell it and keep the money for someday. Something, sometime, will come up and you’ll know its the right time to spend the money. As for the baby clothes, I have a drawer of the special things…the rest have been passed down or gone to Goodwill. Someone needs them more than the dust bunnies that will make themselves a home.

  13. July 2, 2010 10:11 am

    I agree… sell it and buy something that will make you happy. There’s no sense keeping a reminder of miserable times. If he returned it to you, he obviously doesn’t want it. My ex kept his ring, I have no idea what he did with it. Probably used it again with his second wife. He’s odd like that.

    With the baby clothes, I kept the outfits that were important to me… the one we brought our son home from the hospital in, the sweater my mother made, that kind of stuff. The rest I sold at garage sales and bought the kids toys with the money. They were happy with that.

  14. SarahB permalink
    July 2, 2010 10:15 am

    If it’s not worth that much, it sounds like the right amount for a bottle of alcohol. Seriously. Sell it, and buy the nicest bottle of your favorite varietal of wine or kind of hard liquor, and enjoy it. (Perhaps while you sort through the baby clothes.)

  15. Heidi permalink
    July 2, 2010 10:54 am

    Throw the ring in the nearest ocean, river, lake, or cesspool, you’re done with it and him. Make some small pillows out of some of the baby tee shirts and use them on the kids’ beds as reminders of how small they were and how big they’ve gotten. Give smelly, moldy, mildewy boxes back to ex for his move. Take your best friend out to lunch.

    • irretrievablybroken permalink*
      July 2, 2010 11:14 am

      I would, except I don’t know who she is any more. Small pillows made of baby tee-shirts? You been reading those lifestyle magazines with the recipes again???

      • Lisame permalink
        July 14, 2010 1:45 pm

        I saw on Sweet-Juniper.com where they used old tees to make a quilt. I love the idea!

  16. July 2, 2010 11:19 am

    Sell the ring, for sure.
    The baby clothes, ah the baby clothes. I totally feel you on this one. Is there a way you could sort through and keep only those really special items that might, conceivably, be passed down to grandchildren? Or just to be admired by you again sometime? I actually DID use some of my baby/toddler clothes with my 2 girls, and we all just loved it – my mom, me, them. Just a few things for each child wouldn’t take up much space but would really be cherished someday.

    Hang in there, have some Coronas or something summary while you sort!
    Amy

  17. July 2, 2010 11:48 am

    Hmm I am going against the grain here but I don’t think the ring is yours to sell or throw out. Just give it back to him.

    I read about people making quilts out of old baby clothes but no crafting genes here. I have piles of it under the bed. Do keep some special things though – I have stuff my dad wore which my kids have worn.

    • irretrievablybroken permalink*
      July 2, 2010 12:03 pm

      Well, I bought the ring. He bought mine, I bought his. Both were the simplest, cheapest gold bands we could find. Anyway, I gave it back once–hence my surprise to find it in the stuff HE was giving back. It’s like hot potato, with wedding rings!

      The engagement ring is another story. It belonged to his mother, and to her mother, and I intend to give it back to her (his mother) because rightfully it should stay on his side of the family.

  18. Heather permalink
    July 2, 2010 7:57 pm

    I’ve been divorced (officially) for 7 years and my wedding ring is in our kitchen junk drawer in an Altoid box. I tried to hawk it, but the pawn shop guy said he didn’t want it! Right as my ex was getting re-married he asked for it back, which I thought was so odd. Did he want to hawk it himself? Did it bother him that it still existed? He couldn’t possibly think he’d re-use it? I wrote a scathing letter (regret) and said I’d already tossed it. I have no idea what he did with his.
    I did later return the pearls that his (by then deceased) mother had purchased for me, with a much nicer letter, saying she’d meant them for the mother of her grandchildren and that is (so thankfully- not that I said that) not me.

  19. July 2, 2010 8:50 pm

    They have stores around here (Chicago) where people can bring gold and silver in – and they give you cash for it. Can I vote twice for buying yourself something nice?? 🙂

    I’m writing again because you could take some of the clothes and make quilts out of them (or have someone do it for you) – what a nice keepsake for you to give to your sons wives when they have babies??? Or you could take the favorite ones and put them in a shadow box as art work.

    Good luck 🙂

  20. July 3, 2010 12:12 am

    I successfully sold mine on eBay, which was quite satisfying. I don’t think there is any protocol. Do whatever feels right!

  21. Sarah permalink
    July 4, 2010 12:17 am

    I didn’t have a ring, but an ex boyfriend had given me a necklace that I had loved which I sold and used the money for charity. I knew I couldn’t wear it again and I felt that if I bought something with the money from its sale it was still connected to the ex somehow. I am crazy like that. And what with the drunken late night calls from the ex etc., I didn’t want any connection left. Anyway, I felt free of it and him and maybe scored some good karma in the bargain. Though I was not given a fair price for it.

  22. ivfcycler permalink
    July 4, 2010 4:19 pm

    i bought thisas a gift once: ” BABY CLOTHES QUILT KIT. For an additional fee, you can send your precut squares to a professional to create your quilt”

    it is for a quilt about the size of a large pillow…

    http://www.uncommongoods.com/item/item.jsp?source=related_ug&itemId=16407

  23. Watson permalink
    July 9, 2010 10:43 am

    I really liked my wedding band. After my (amicable) divorce, I had a jeweler cleave it into a pair of earrings. But I concur with SarahB’s notion to sell your ex’s ring and buy yourself the best bottle of hooch the proceeds will get you.

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